How does one weigh emotion?
I do not know. When you have a
person threaten your ability to see your daughter in front of her. Causing her pain and tears. You know that if you react all you will do is
fuel the fire of your attacker and cause the one you hold dearest more
pain. So what do you do? Do you remind the person that the actions are
painful to the child? I did. I was also reminded that the person is in
Legal control and hinting at using that to reduce my time with her. When called a liar about how you feel and
what you believe to be true in front of her with the person telling her that
"I have been holding this in..."
To be told in so many words that my time and efforts are for nothing in
front of her. The person saying that
some of the information came from her.
The she says it did not. The
person then says to me as if she was not there that "her story has
changed..." The child clinging to
the person crying begging her to stop. The
person not understanding that the child is begging the aggressor to stop
attacking the other one she loves. If I
attack back will it make matters worse?
I believe so. I mention that this
was exactly what the courts educational program said not to do. The person agreed with feral tenacity. Does seeing this cause me to believe that any
further actions will be fruitless? Yes
it does. All this vehemence because I
stated I did not like or respond well to being ordered to appear.
Perhaps the pervious weekends incident coaled the fire.
I wonder
if obeying the previous rules then having the person's other come to my car
placing it hands in my window, in my face, trying to act the good sportsman who
just won a game if there were no hard feelings.
This after my express request and the person's agreement to the rules to
prevent conflict. The other still does
this. So I am polite and honest. I am
calm and clear in my rejection of this offer and express my feelings toward the
other. No cursing, derogatory or threats
of action were used. Just clear basic
common words and a request that the other back away from me. I have never seen this as a game where
"no hard feelings" could be used.
So the others tactless, careless and unthinking action is the impetus, I
think so. Should I have accepted this
offer? No, I do not think so. I have always held dear the rule of not
associating with people who demonstrated lack of character, honor and integrity
in my eyes. In my eyes the person and
the other will never be trustworthy or persons whom with I would spend my time
again. Hence the creation of the rules,
lack of conflict through lack of contact.
It seemed a prudent course at the time.
Now I am
here. wondering what to do next. So, at a loss I asked her what she
wanted. How would she want me to
proceed? She wants an apology from both
parties in front of her. So she can
believe and have faith in the person and myself. I agreed because that trust is more important
than my pride. I'll be damned if I know how this will turn
out. How much do I sacrifice to demonstrate
the greater path? I guess I know the
answer. I also figure those who truly
know me also know my answer, I will
sacrifice everything for her even if I must bleed out all I am and have. All I can pray for is that one day she will
see the person for whom they are and still love them. That she will see the other in the same
light. That she will then understand me
for who I am. In this, she will learn
who she is and what it will take to be herself.
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