It was in shadows dusky light that reflected through the
mists showing me what I needed to see, the beginning. It was in that moment of
flaring incandescence that the truth came to me. I knew every thing was
connected and we are not alone. The enormity of my ignorance floored me. The
humility crushed me. It was then that my faith was formed. Like in times past when watching the snow
swept up against the cliff face and out again to the valley below like some
cosmic hand churning the air that I knew I knew nothing. The forces so far
beyond my grasp that saying I felt small does not even come close. I.. We are
microscopic to such forces. Yet, we forget our fragility in our every day
lives. We build mountains of our importance and accomplishments. Yet oh how those
mountains crumble and fall at just a shrug from nature. Just how mighty are
we.... I missed the point many times
before. Not this time, this time I listened. Colors so beautiful that I know my
eyes only saw the palest of them. It was a feeling so deep that my very inner
core was pulled down and out all at the same time. It was heart wrenching and
glorious all a once. Who was I by comparison; in a word, nothing. I know that
is why I believe. That power/energy/force/life connected me in just a brief
glimpse. A glimpse that calmed me, centered me and offered to heal me if I
would just be willing to heal myself. Question is am I able or willing to do
so? Thus lay the fault. Not in what was around me, but within myself. Isn't that one heck of a thing, finding out
that my own doubts are the crack. The very impasse to my salvation of soul,
calmness of being and centering of life was my own mind. It rocked my very
mental bedrock. It still does. One must be willing to live within ones self accepting
that self without reservation to be open to what is offered from without. It is
for me faith of that offering that gives me the courage to make the leap of
self acceptance. Who knew the seemingly short jump could take so long. I jump
and re-jump every day. At times I get closer and other times seem to fall back
but I keep jumping. I have faith that on the day I clear that chasm within the
offering will be there to catch me. I must just keep trying. When I pondered this writing I came to
realize that this is my meaning of life. Why do I keep making the simple so
complicated? I do not know, perhaps because I am human.
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