Yes, you have a Right to express yourself. That said, if you poke at a bear don't be surprised if it rips your arm off.
Your Rights end where another person's Rights begin. If you continuously yell, invade personal space, poke your fingers, hands, feet, arms, signs, bull horns, or other parts of things into someone else's space, they have a Right to defend their space from your intrusion. Hence, you may get your ass handed to you for provoking another person. The only person you have to blame is your own idiotic self.
Celebrating something bad happening to others only invites fate to do it to you or someone you care about.
Humility is the realization that the person next to you may have a good point for believing what they do. Perhaps you should learn what it is.
You don't have to be a Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or any other faith to find the ways to respect and get along with others within each Faith's documents. Listen. Read. Learn. Think.
There is always someone smarter, bigger, stronger, faster, or who caught something you missed. Listen. Read. Learn. Think. Be humble and mindful. It can be enlightening.
Tuesday, May 12, 2026
Sayings And Other Observations
More of My Beliefs And Wishes
Equalization of Rights among human beings. It is my personal opinion that neither race, religion, gender, economic status, nor sexual orientation should not prevent you from getting a fair trial, legal representation, or basic civic and municipal services. After that, hire who you want. Do business with who you want. Do or do not be friends with others. You MUST be polite and civil. No violence just because you don't agree. Call it "disturbing the Peace" and arrest or fine them depending on severity. Have whatever mutually consensual relationship between two adults over the age of 18 that is non violent or degrading you want. If you are able to die for your country, you should get all Rights and privilege's afforded all other Citizens.
My only personal set of values I'd like to see is letting people have civil unions (documented, managed and taxed by the government) separate from church (all religions) marriages. The civil union is strictly a legal and record keeping proceeding. Marriage is an expression of Faith. If you want to get married; you will need to conform to the practices of the religion you wish to marry you. Dissolution of a partnership should be a civil matter separate from the church. If you want the church involved, you must follow their rules. That church can also choose to NOT join or marry you. It is their choice. Churches should be taxed. They should NOT be allowed into political issues or the other way around. The separation of church and State allows full religious freedom. It allows any person of any Faith to Pledge Allegiance to the United States of America; to defend the USA; to support its goals; to accept its Laws and Ordinances. Why? Because the USA defends their Right to have a Faith so long as it doesn't conflict the Constitution or Federal Law. In this way Christian, Muslim, American Indian, Buddhist, Baptist, Mormon, Zionist, Wiccan, and every other Citizen can stand shoulder to shoulder defending the place defends their Right of personal Faith. During WWII prior to the communist scare (other than the imprisoned people of Asian decent) Citizens of all Faiths stood together to defend the USA; defeat the Nazi's and Japanese. The Pledge of Allegiance: Originally written by a Baptist Minister Francis Bellamy in August of 1892. He hoped it would be used by Citizens of any country. In 1923 "the Flag of the United States of America" was added to make it focused on the United States of America. The initial adoption of the Pledge of Allegiance by Congress was December 28th, 1945. Only after June 14, 1954 (communists couldn't swear to God) per President Eisenhower "under God" was added to the Pledge of Allegiance to stop and identify communists because they couldn't swear allegiance to God. It has been that way ever since. It was also why it was removed from public schools after a First Amendment separation of church and religious freedom case. Schools have not universally stopped reciting the Pledge of Allegiance, but it is no longer mandatory due to U.S. Supreme Court rulings that protection of free speech includes the right not to speak. The 1943 ruling in West Virginia State Board of Education v. Barnette established that students cannot be forced to salute the flag or recite the pledge. Since that time saying the Pledge has gone down hill. So has patriotism and a willingness to Pledge allegiance to the United States. Something a Baptist Minister knew knew back in 1892, 22 years after the devastation and division of the American Civil War ended. A time when we needed unity and healing even worse than we do now. Just like Mexico, Philippines, China, Brazil and MANY other countries; no business, property, monies, or interests can be owned by a non US Citizen, US based company or US based entity. These businesses and entities MUST be held by 66.66% US Citizen or US controlled board AND voting stock holders. If you violate the rules of your Visa you get deported and have to reapply to get back in. The USA should have easy visa's with any country that has them with the USA. As a US Citizen, I believe in the United States Constitution. Follow it, respect it, and defend it. Understand that the United States of America is a Constitutional Republic NOT a democracy. Allowing 0.0001% to change the rules every time it flips is idiotic chaos. An individual needs defense from the People and the State. The People through a number not easily reached need a mechanism to change the Constitution to protect them from an Individual and the State. The State needs to separate the functional areas from each other. Congress from the Judiciary and Executive through the Constitution's separation of Powers. The Executive from Congress (unless by super majority) and the Judiciary (Congress by ratification of the Constitution.) The Judiciary through the Constitution's separation of Powers from both the Executive and Congress. The Electoral College guards the Executive from hysteria of a misled, or ignorant, panicked People. Term limits of Congress are called votes. Each State has the Right to vote in who they wish. It doesn't have to make sense to you. Worry about your own State. No non naturally born USA Citizen should be eligible to hold ANY public office. A person can only have dual citizenship if one of each parent were citizens of different countries. The dual citizenship is only valid between those countries. Any tax, levy, or tariff must be handled and passed by Congress then signed into action by the President. The Vice President is the President's representative and voice in Congress when the President is unable to attend. The Constitution needs an amendment that prevents one branch from abdicating or assigning its responsibilities to another branch or any other entity. There needs to be a Constitutional amendment clarifying the Second amendment. It should simply state "All Citizens of the United States of America have the Right to keep, own, use for personal defense, sport, hunting, and any other personal use of any handgun, revolver, gun, rifle, or other civilian, or military weapon that does not conflict with other provisions of this Constitution. This is to include ammunition, components of firearms or ammunition, noise suppression devices, and both personal or public land used for these pursuits. Interstate transport of any item listed in this amendment is the purview of the Federal Powers per the Supremacy Clause of this same document. No State or other internal entity of these United States of America shall infringe upon this Right. All children beginning at age 10 shall be taught through hands on and practical use the history of weapons in the United States of America and the various colonies. These educational facilities shall be set aside in each voting district. Each facility shall be maintained and managed by a military branch. Any classes past basic functional and practical knowledge are voluntary." Another amendment: "Any person who is convicted of a Federal crime forfeits their Rights for the period of incarceration or parole. Any State wishing to classify a Felony must have it reviewed by DOJ, the Federal Judicial Branch, Congress and signed by the President. Any Bill introduced into Congress must pass Judicial review prior to passage and signature by the President. Another amendment: "Any public official at any level convicted of a Felony; found bearing false witness; lying to the public that elected or appointed them, or having compromised their ethics by their peers shall be stripped of office, unable to hold a public office for Life; vote; own a personal arm under the Second Amendment; donate monies to any political organization; hold any license of Law, or partake in any interest related to the area in which they are found defective." Another amendment: "Any Judicial person found abusing their power; using their office to interfere with the lawful actions of another branch of Government or the implementation of lawful Federal actions shall immediately be suspended without pay until a review by the next higher court or review board. If found guilty or negligent; that person shall be removed from office immediately. Federal charges to be reviewed by the DOJ. If the intentional illegal action was to obstruct a lawful function that does not conflict with this document is found; they will be guilty of treason. No non naturally born US Citizen may hold any Judicial position within the United States of America." The reason a State needs to have access to reach the sea is it can stand on its own. This is Federal Law. Hence why the US Coast Guard polices all interior and costal waterways. It also prevents one State from interfering with another States ability to import and export its goods. Remember, all interstate transport and travel is governed at the Federal level for that same reason. States are meant to be different so they represent the Will of the Citizens that reside within their borders. Different States for different Peoples Will. Move to where you fit the best. Another amendment: "No voting district shall be created that violates this document or is formed using ethnicity, race, culture, religion, gender, sexual orientation, economic level, educational level, birth gender, politics, or any divisor that differentiates one human from another other than citizenship. Only valid citizen populations and the State's boundaries are to be used to create a voting district." Clarification amendment: "Any person born to a USA Citizen is considered a naturally born citizen by birth right. No person born to non-USA Citizens within the boundaries of the USA is a citizen by birth."Wednesday, June 18, 2025
Online Dating
I decided a couple of months ago that I have been alone too long. I need to put myself out there and see what I can accomplish. Well, one monitoring of how women looked at me over a month told me; at least locally my chances were nill. Even after getting all the damage repaired to me, I still don't feel women in the USA are viable. So if not here, where? It was then I remembered my brother told me after my divorce that all I needed to do was go to the Philippines. I let that percolate a bit. Then I started thinking about retirement. Other than Social Security, I will have little in 9 years when I go to retire. So where can I retire to that I can afford? Unless I want to live in almost abject poverty, the USA is out. YouTube provided loads of alternatives. However, few had large populations that spoke English. One country kept coming up, the Philippines. The Philippines peso is about 56 peso to the 1 USD. Overall costs for housing are about half for something nice and a quarter for something I can deal with. The speak English in large numbers. Medical care is a bit dodgy. It is getting better. Thailand is a closer better option for a doctor. That said, medical insurance doesn't cost much in either place. Food is inexpensive if you cook or eat local cuisine. I cook and like the local foods. Banking can be a pain. That said, if you keep a USA mailing address and a USA international cell service the US banks normally don't cause too many issues. That brings me to socialization. Bonus, there is a large ex-pat community through out the Philippines. That leaves companionship. So, I paid for FilipinaCupid. This is supposed to be "verified" profiles and specifically Filipina's. Within 3 hours I had over 300 responses to my profile. This is a bad sign. In the end after 2 months I have cancelled the membership. I chatted with a couple of women. All fakes and scammers. While on YouTube, I ran across a Filipina interviewing other Filipina's about what they looked for in a foreigner and what their experiences had been. After watching a couple of her video's, it seemed like a genuine feed. She even offered to help find Filipina's to chat with about LDR for free. This I thought was a scam. After 2 months of online I figured "why not"? I sent an email detailing kind of what my expectations were and what type of woman I thought I would like. After 4 tries I believe it may have worked. I'll give it a couple of months. I'll ask questions designed to find lies and missing info. If it works out then I have won the lottery. If not, it isn't any different that chatting in the online forums. I'll update as time goes on
2001-10-16 Complete Personal Intelligence Profile
Complete Personal Intelligence Profile
Your General IQ Score Compared To Your Thirteen Individual Mental Abilities IQ Scores
OVERALL IQ 137
ARITHMETIC 133
ALGEBRAIC 137
ROTE UTILIZATION 133
LOGICAL 152
VISUAL APPREHENSION 137
SPATIAL SKILL 144
INTUITION 140
GENERAL KNOWLEDGE 137
VOCABULARY 137
SHORT TERM MEMORY 133
SPELLING 133
GEOMETRIC 129
COMPUTATIONAL SPEED 132
GRAPH BASE 116
General IQ Score
Your General IQ Score of 137 shows how able your mind is in general.
Anyone with a General IQ Score this high is considered to be a genius.
Less than 2 out of every 100 persons would be expected to have a score
this high. All known occupations can be comprehended with a General IQ
this high. You should be able to handle any academic challenge. You scored
higher than your General IQ Score in 3 individual ability categories. 1 of
these better scores could be called significant and may indicate special
abilities or that you were distracted on those parts of the IQ Test that
counted more heavily in the other ability categories.
Arithmetic
Solving many of the IQ Test's problems required the ability to add
subtract multiply and divide numbers mentally. Many mental tasks require
arithmetical operations even though numbers may not be involved and so
number manipulation abilities can strongly indicate general intelligence.
Your Arithmetic IQ Score of 133 is not significantly different from your
General IQ Score.
This score is better than 98.12% of all persons taking this test.
Algebraic
This is the ability of the mind to abstractly handle quantities and
qualities. Persons who are strong in this ability can more quickly and
more deeply understand analogies stories derivations equalities and
hierarchical structures.
Your Algebraic IQ Score of 137 is the same as your General IQ Score.
This score is better than 98.28% of all persons taking this test.
Rote Utilization
This is the ability to take a set of memorized facts and mentally extract
and/or operate with or upon the facts within the set that are pertinent to
the problem at hand. Persons with more of this ability can be expected to
spell well remember telephone and other numbers easily be more adroit in
procedural operations and have a stronger foundation for tasks that
require the use of memorized material.
Your Rote Utilization IQ Score of 133 is not significantly different from
your General IQ Score.
This score is better than 98.12% of all persons taking this test.
Logical
This is the ability to determine if a set of rules has been correctly
followed. This ability is most useful in combination with other mental
skills listed above. Those with strong logical ability are quicker to see
where a given set of conditions is going to lead have a strong sense of
justice and better understand--from an intellectual analysis--the benefits
of harmony.
Your Logical IQ Score of 152 is exceptionally higher than your General IQ
Score.
This score is better than 98.88% of all persons taking this test.
Visual Apprehension
This is the ability of the mind to mentally picture visual information and
to be able to extract portions of that information for separate use. A
person whose visual apprehension is strong enjoys a richer creative
appreciation of visually based events.
Your Visual Apprehension IQ Score of 137 is the same as your General IQ
Score.
This score is better than 98.28% of all persons taking this test.
Spatial Skill
Understanding what changes will occur when conditions vary is a deep and
powerful ability of the mind. All invention and creativity of every sort
is based upon this ability. Although test problems usually involve
manipulation of objects in space persons with a stronger ability to
spatially manipulate can also be expected to use this ability to be able
to better predict how social and psychological situations would change due
to variation.
Your Spatial Manipulation Skill IQ Score of 144 is not significantly
different from your General IQ Score.
This score is better than 98.56% of all persons taking this test.
Intuition
Intuition is defined as that ability of the mind to develop answers to
questions without consciously dealing with the problem at hand. Often a
question will provoke a mind to answer without using conscious processing
time and the answer is said to come out of the blue or suddenly it just
struck me. Of all the many abilities of the mind this is one of the most
often used. Just knowing what to do is often an automatic process that
occurs without much figuring out consciously happening. Those with
stronger intuition make less mistakes and can seem luckier wiser or more
mature.
Your Intuition IQ Score of 140 is not significantly different from your
General IQ Score.
This score is better than 98.40% of all persons taking this test.
General Knowledge
Knowledge that is casually picked up and remembered can indicate
intelligence because persons with higher intelligence will exhibit greater
retention of those pieces of information that are encountered less often.
Because higher intelligence allows a person to have a deeper appreciation
of the connectivity of facts that may seem disparate to others of lesser
intelligence memory of such facts becomes easier.
Your General Knowledge IQ Score of 137 is the same as your General IQ
Score.
This score is better than 98.28% of all persons taking this test.
Vocabulary
Knowing the meaning of words is an ability that directly increases along
with the increase of general intelligence. The meaning of a word is more
easily remembered with higher intelligence because it takes more
intelligence to understand and correctly use words based upon the subtle
differences between words with similar meanings and to comprehend
difficult concepts which are sometimes symbolized by a single word.
Your Vocabulary IQ Score of 137 is the same as your General IQ Score.
This score is better than 98.28% of all persons taking this test.
Short Term Memory
The ability to remember things for a short period of time allows the mind
to check back and retrieve facts needed to complete a problem solving
operation. This ability becomes more critical when problems have many
aspects that need consideration and/or need to be solved mentally. This
ability strongly determines how efficiently one handles the many aspects
of normal life. If your short term memory ability is strong you are much
less likely to seem inattentive or slow to get it to others.
Your Short Term Memory IQ Score of 133 is not significantly different from
your General IQ Score.
This score is better than 98.12% of all persons taking this test.
Spelling
The ability to spell can indicate general intelligence. Remembering a set
sequence of letters indicates the mind's ability to retrieve remembered
facts. Learning how to spell and use the words of a language is almost a
complete IQ test in itself. Although poor spellers with high IQ scores can
be found it is rare and in general--everything else being equal--the
better spellers have higher IQ scores.
Your Spelling IQ Score of 133 is not significantly different from your
General IQ Score.
This score is better than 98.12% of all persons taking this test.
Geometric
How well one can comprehend geometric relationships of lines sides planes
angles and topological properties strongly determines one's ability to
make sense of visual information. The strength of one's geometric ability
can strongly determine how quickly knowledge can be absorbed if it is
presented visually.
Your Geometric IQ Score of 129 is not significantly different from your
General IQ Score.
This score is better than 96.80% of all persons taking this test.
Computational Speed
If you can correctly solve a variety of problems faster than another
person you may be demonstrating a generally more orderly internal
arrangement of your mind's problem solving methods. While speed cannot be
the sole factor in determining overall superiority in mental tasks in
general faster computational speed will often indicate that a problem's
comprehension was more complete. With everything else being equal a person
with faster computational speed will be better at tasks that require the
synthesis of many bits of information.
Your Computational Speed IQ Score of 132 is not significantly different
from your General IQ Score.
This score is better than 98.08% of all persons taking this test.
Methods of saving this report
If you bookmark this page, your profile will be available to you for the
next year at this web site. No one except you will be able to return to
this profile - unless you give them your bookmark URL information.
You can save this profile by printing it out - right now. Print it out
by using the printing options of your browser.
You can save this page as a text file. Your browser will allow you to
save it by using F)ile S)ave As... Make sure that you select "text
file". This method will not preserve the bar images.
Web site created by Internet Business Solutions, Inc.
© Copyright Edg Duveyoung 1996-2001
2004-05-19 Where Do We Start?
Where
Do We Start?
The
understandings are few,
To
comprehend the feelings of others unobtainable,
Truth
To
hear another,
To
feel another’s feelings,
To
see with another’s eyes,
Pale
Things
taken for granted,
Not
appreciated or understood
Small
deemed important
Large
shuffled away, out of sight
Fact
Value
Honor
Integrity
Love?
All
for sale,
Pain
Let
us think for a moment
The
Truth is not what the comfortable wish to see
People
can only have a Pale experience compared to the real event
Fact
is, facts are convenient to the powerful went it suits them
Pain
is the result of greed, indifference, passivity, lust, envy and plain old hate
Only
Love can open eyes, clear vision and bring the understanding of
life’s lessons
Lets
start at the beginning,
Love
2007-09-25 Where am I now?
Where am I now?
I am in favor of gun ownership being unrestricted.
I am in favor of low taxes on middle to low income
Americans.
I am in favor of high taxes on the top 30% of incomes in
America.
I am in favor of high taxes on luxury items.
I am in favor of a fast food tax.
I am in favor of low taxes on healthy foods and needed
family items.
I am in favor of a woman’s Right to choose.
I am in favor of anyone serving in the military being
allowed to drink and vote.
I am against giving felons back the tools they used to
commit their crimes.
I am in favor of making the prison system pay for its self.
I am against force bussing of children just to integrate a
school.
I am against affirmative action.
I am against unions.
I am for stronger States.
I am for more restricted Federal Government.
I am for removing religion from all Government processes,
forms, statements and actions other than allowing you to believe as you wish.
I believe that the land/property/things you purchase are
yours. No other persons have a Right to
them.
I believe in yours Rights ending where another persons
Rights begin except in very limited well defined situations. These situations are the defending of your
life or another’s life against an illegal attacker. This is to include the ruination of your
life; property and prospects by directly removing access to needed natural,
medical or financial resources illegally.
I am for removing the ability to add a rider to a Bill.
I am favor of one Bill one topic.
I am for promoting those who are qualified and have earned
the Right regardless of creed, race, religion or background.
I am for closing our borders.
I am for taking all illegal immigrants and giving them a
choice, work and earn your citizenship by doing public services for 5 years
while being monitored, housed and policed by the U.S. Government. If not, send them back to where they came
from.
I am for pledging allegiance to the U.S.A.
I am for a strong dollar.
I am for holding persons responsible for the stewardship of
their Rights. This includes the responsibility for keeping their children safe,
fed and secure; doing every thing they can to work and not draw unemployment or
other services. Being responsible for
the storage and care of their firearms.
I am in favor of Government funded education through
college.
I am favor of Government funded public transportation across
the U.S.A.
I believe that the President of the U.S.A.’s job is to
promote our country to other countries.
I believe that our armed forces should be protecting our
boarders.
I believe that Congress should be working to create internal
unity and strength; increase industry; and protect our country for future
generations.
I believe elected public officials should not make any
money. They should live in government
provided housing and be cared for by the government while in office. For their service they receive a sum for when
they retire in Social Security based on service.
I believe that when there is an issue that crosses a lower
level of Governments lines it is decided by the next highest level of
Government.
I believe there should be no lobbyists.
I believe in Government provided health care.
I believe insurance should be illegal.
I believe only the person or their estate should be able to
sue for the person.
I believe that election coverage is provided free and
equally at no cost to the candidates at any governmental level.
I believe enforcement and defense of individuals Rights
falls on the Federal Government.
I believe the Federal Government only gets involved in areas
of interstate commerce, felony crimes and any land use issue that will affect
another state or the long-term health and well being of our nation.
I believe a Federal Judge independent of the lower
governments control should try any felony in a Federal Court.
I believe that a person becomes a person when it is born and
functions independent of the host. Until
that time it is part of the host and subject to the hosts will.
I believe the day to day running of local government is the
local governments responsibility.
I believe there should be no taxes on anything left to
anyone when a person dies.
I believe welfare should be paid for by working while it is
being received.
I believe schools should have a basic level of educational
accountability.
I believe if a school can add to its content by local
assistance and gifts that it should.
I believe it should be mandatory that every land use
planning commission be required to provide housing use plans that match the
income of the people in their districts.
I believe that the U.S. budget should be balanced and paying
down the debt every year.
I am against income taxes.
I am for high sales taxes.
I believe that an item taxed at the time of sale is exempt
from further taxation until resold.
I believe that any taxes or fees should include the full
life cycle cost of the item or service.
I believe that any construction once completed should have a
zero drain on the environment.
I believe that the U.S.A. should not buy any fuel from
foreign nations.
I believe if the cost of energy rises by the demand created
by not buying foreign fuels then the U.S. citizens will change the way the use
energy.
I am favor of mandatory public service or military service
by all persons living in the U.S.A. for a period of 2 to 5 years depending on
service chosen.
I believe that our G.N.P. should be mandated 2 units sold to
other countries to any 1 unit bought.
I believe power, roads, the cost of basic items needed for
family survival, pollution, natural resource use and health care should be
regulated and monitored by the Federal Government.
2002-06-06 To Those I Love And Those Who Love Me
To Those I Love
And
Those Who Love Me
When I am gone
Release me
Let me go
I have so many things to see and do
Don’t tie yourself to me in tears
Be happy that we had so many years
I gave you my love
You can only guess how much you gave
me in happiness
I thank you for the love you each have
shown
But
Now it is time I traveled on alone
So, grieve a while for me
If grieve you must
Then let your grief be comforted by
trust
It’s only for a little while that we
must part
So, bless the memories within your
heart
I won’t be far away
For life goes on
So, if you need me
Call
And I will come
Though you can’t see or touch me
I’ll be near
And
If you listen with your heart
You’ll hear my love all around you
Soft and clear
And then
When you must come this way alone
I’ll great you with a smile
And say
Welcome Home
2004-04-12 The sounds of children playing DRAFT
The sounds of children playing near
Leaps and bounds in the carefree air
The sun is shining to the trees
It is a wonderful day to be free
No thoughts out of the spirit of now
No questions
No reasons
Just feelings abound
The joy of life is found anew
The spirit of children shining through
In open minded curious jest
Noble simplicity at its best
Perhaps there is something here
A fountain of youth standing in the clear
Relief of stress and strife
It is time to remember why your here
Life is short or long it seems
Depending on you dreams
Not hiding or peaking around
Unless the game is tag
Your it!
2010-05-25 Please Remember Me (Written just after Katrina hit New Orleans)
Please Remember Me
The storm was heavy
The river rose
Down came the levies taking us to Davey Jones
It isn't the heartache of those left alone
It is our memories engraved in stone
It's what we left behind that haunts us so
Family, children and loves unknown
There are things we've done or not yet known
It is the Life we had
It is all we know
Remember me
Remember us
Don't forget in times steady rush
Pause a moment
Take a breath
Remember me
Remember us in your Life that is left.
2002-10-18 Of Trees, Rain, and Wind
In the grand scheme of things one
voice does not seem very loud, nor to some, very important. At this time I am at a cross roads in my
life. I have made the top of my
perceived mountain, my focus in getting there resolute. My personal bubble, closed to outside
distractions. I am 36 years old. I have obtained the American Dream. Now what do I do?
Not all
persons can see beyond their dreams.
Most obtain the dream or closeness to the dream and are happy to have
made it that far. I cannot do that. I thought I might for an instant but
something else happened to me. Something
I cannot believe. I am now afraid.
In my
pursuit of my goals I put out of my mind all the worries that accompany you in
the world. I did not worry about
politics, nor foreign affairs, taxes, insurance, employment, the economy, or
much that did not affect my daily existence.
I was in control of all that affected my realm. I was in charge of my life. That has changed now.
The cause of
this change is multi-fold. The
realization that I have entered a part of my life where people that I know and
love will start dying was the first cause.
The next was the birth of my daughter.
Next are my employer’s actions during a down turn in business. Attacks on our perception of daily life
security sure did help shake up my world.
Another is the local law enforcement community’s inability to prevent
crime. Or, once a crime occurs, to
judicially resolve the offense. The
rational that allows school books to be assessed on weight instead of
content. The removal of governmental
controls on services that are needed for daily life while digging deeper into
my personal interactions with others mystifies me. My inability to purchase insurance because of
my weight but not by my minimal high blood pressure was an adventure in
wonderland. How much of what controls my
future is beyond my control is frightening.
It scares me that a populace (not to be confused with individuals),
ignorant of many necessary facts and manipulated by the media (remember the
group that makes more money when they have higher ratings.), is allowing
changes in how the Government perceives my Rights. Thus mass ignorance fueled by mass media now
controls the collective minds of my pears.
My voice seems might small in that vast forest.
I initially
tried to find now focuses to resolve my fears.
I started teaching others in an area I felt was important and that I
enjoyed the subject. I refocused on
secondary goals and projects that I had undertaken. I tried to ignore the areas of my fear. None of this has worked. Every time I see my daughter, every time
something terrible happens that I cannot do anything about, my resolution
crumbles like mud wall in a rainstorm.
It cracks, dissolves into its self, and then flows away.
I guess
this is when religious people throw their faith into God or what they believe
in. I do not have that faith. I cannot see the reality of placing it all in
another’s hands. It is just not my
way. My faith is that you live your
life. Then, if there is something after
your physical death, you will have to justify your actions. Perhaps the judge will not be anyone but
yourself. Most people are their own
worst critics.
So, my
defense against my fears is to speak and ensure others hear me. One lone voice yelling in the forest against
the wind and rains trying to be heard.
My rational is that if one does not speak, shout, or yell at the top of
their lungs that they are afraid, then we stand no chance of being heard at
all.
How will I
live with my fears? Daily, with
determination that helped me obtain the American Dream. It is now time to suffer the storms, watch my
walls crumble and know that I will get hurt.
For when I fall, I will yell into the rain. For if I do not, who will?
2008-08-08 My Belief
The music sings through me
The sounds flow though me like the air, but this time I can’t
breath
Because the dancing has taken over me, but I can take it, I
can catch my breath
It is here, that time will stand still, between the breath
and inhalation of air
Feel the emotion held deep, down beneath your anger and
repressed grief
Release it all at once
Shake the world with your air
Let the scream released bring the world to its knees
Then relax and let the emotions leave
Now there is a Needy, empty space there calling in its need
It longs for the strong and deep
To replace the space left empty by your grief
Open up your heart and let the love release
It is always been in side
Hidden by your socially trained beliefs
Forget what you have known
Open up your mind and feel your heart grow
It will grow to over flow the space left by anger and relief
This is the time you should let your feelings flow
No longer hide the beauty hidden down inside
All you need is the key
Not a lock of natural belief
The key is a thing that makes you complete
From here you are a star
on your own, shining
like a nova ready to explode
Just control you self and let your feelings show
Then the world that can see and it will bow its head with
knowledge and belief
That that sun now shining is righteous in its release
What is released is love, natural and complete
A love that heals those in need
Perhaps bind the world in its heat, melting the cold and
growing the plants we need to breath
Yes this is my belief,.
A belief that makes me complete.
2004-12-12 Motivation
The qualities
that holidays try to reiterate are often lost during the other times of the
year. Here are some that are not
mentioned very often.
Respect
Remember a
little given at the beginning goes a long way.
Tact
Sometimes
being kind, or not saying anything is best.
Ownership
If you never
take control of your life, you will always follow someone else’s.
Understanding
If you
understand where someone is coming from, it is much easier to communicate with
them.
Pride
Too much can
be considered a sin, not enough ruins confidence.
2002-09-18 More Thoughts
I have had an idea about some of the root of my insecurities
came to me earlier this week. The lack
of having both parents earlier than my brother by 5 years is important. My brother is much more self-assured, while I
am riddled by doubt and uncertainty.
Perhaps those additional 5 years of support made a difference. I do not remember when my parents got
divorced. I remember I was in Margaret
Beaks Elementary School. It happened
just before or just after school started.
My brother says I was 8 or 9.
That may be correct. I remember
the previous year being lots of playing.
I think it may have been second or third grade.
The reason
for this train of thought is my daughter.
I notice how much she looks to us for support and comfort. That seems to me that if we miss those
moments, we erode the level of confidence she is building. The balance point is when she can start
understanding that she can stand on her own.
In addition to that, how to assess the risk of an action.
2005-09-11 Minds Eye Island
In areas of the soul it is sometimes
necessary to open your mind and hear the other possibilities that exist.
That which you may
have considered impossible, now seems probable.
That which then
seemed absolute, now feels unsure and fluid.
The serenity that
is sought has many paths, some more arduous than others.
In the end, only
the true to purpose will survive the journey.
The rest will find compromise and consider
themselves lucky to have come even close to the dream.
One thing is certain,
each person while wanting the same things as another will consider only a small
fraction of the impact they may have on the world around them.
Societies rule over
individuals will override the ability to look beyond the limits of the shell of
perception.
Thus, one must
ignore the rules of society and remove the blinders of peers to see the glory
of another path.
Once the veil has
been lifted, the light of new ideas and thoughts will explode in a glory of
inner light.
To illuminate your
soul, turn on the light!
Now live!
2001-04-23 The creation of Societies One Person’s Thoughts
If
man creates Gods and religions, and each one vies for members and power, how
can the men that are supposed to represent these supposed to keep their
faith? The business like actions of
religions to adopt holidays and reasons for holidays from other religions
cannot represent a faith. The faith
should provide the holidays. It should
provide the meanings. It should not
adapt it’s self to another if it is the true path.
The true path should have a discernible
source. It should be traceable. It should be believable without trying to
market it. Faith is not a marketable
item. It is an item that is felt from
within.
From what I see, man has a need to
have a God or Gods. The reasons I feel
are very basic. People (groups) need
something to make them feel that it all has a reason. By it all, I mean what happens to a person
during their life. It would be like a
security blanket. It certainly feels
like a very cold place if it all is for nothing, if it all is
happenstance.
Perhaps the “faith” needs to be in
what a person can do to leave a memory or effect a change that will transcend
them after they have died, to leave something behind that satisfies a need of
humans to be remembered.
Religions do play a large role in
getting people to get along. They have
some very sound advise about behavior and conduct. Perhaps the learned men of the past knew that
people as groups, do not or will not believe an idea that causes them to put
aside their own needs to help another.
Nobles of the past were to provide food and shelter for their
serfs. Most of these noble families were
started by wealthy or powerful people that claimed some rite to the lands. They got this by force or money or both. The religions (I believe) sought to gain
favor by showing the nobles methods to get the serfs to work more
productively. Thus increasing the
noble’s status by increasing wealth.
Since most people believe that the accumulation of items is the measure
of status, this worked out well.
In Egypt, the Pharaoh’s used the
same forces to accomplish this. Then
secured it through the enacting of “Birth Rite”. This enabled them to keep what they had
achieved in their family. The Greeks,
Romans, Celts, Turks and all others that I have heard of, used that same
tactics.
The difference came in what group
they used to assist them to keep their power.
A combination of armies controlled by the government and the giving of
power and favor to a religion (or in some cases, several religions) that gave
them tools to wield. By telling the
populace that their rule is blessed by something larger than their abilities to
obtain power, they bought time. The next
step was to get the army to restore or create order and make themselves the focus
for decisions. Then the religions sent
their representatives to the people spreading the ideas that the ruling body
was just because of a higher power than man was giving them rules that enabled
them to live peaceably. To use this set
of conditions, the populace would gain security and a place in humanities
history for remembrance. That to not
work within these conditions would mean that you did not fit in with
humanity. You did not deserve the
protection of the government and populace.
You are on your own, alone.
The change from plural to singular
in these areas is the key in my opinion.
We get back to the pack mentality of the basic animals we derived
from. Man has never wanted to admit that
were an evolved species, that we were what we are studying now. Humans have their pride. Humans have their needs. Humans do not like to be alone. Humans like to be favored. Humans like to deflect communal focus in
areas where they may be questionable in their conformity. So they find others that either do not
conform or are slightly different. They
focus other humans to this difference.
Since conformity is the social normal, non-conformity is anti-social. Thus, the now anti-social or non-conformist
element becomes the focus. If the ruling
body, religion, or army needs to pull the majority together, now they have
their catalyst. Hence, humans feed the
need once again and perpetuate the circle.
The main point of all this is, think
about what drives you. Why are you doing
what you are doing? Why would another
person want your support? If you think
about the basic needs of every person, you will find the answer you seek.
Scott
N. Smiley
April
23, 2001
2008-12-14 A Foundation of Faith
It was in shadows dusky light that reflected through the
mists showing me what I needed to see, the beginning. It was in that moment of
flaring incandescence that the truth came to me. I knew every thing was
connected and we are not alone. The enormity of my ignorance floored me. The
humility crushed me. It was then that my faith was formed. Like in times past when watching the snow
swept up against the cliff face and out again to the valley below like some
cosmic hand churning the air that I knew I knew nothing. The forces so far
beyond my grasp that saying I felt small does not even come close. I.. We are
microscopic to such forces. Yet, we forget our fragility in our every day
lives. We build mountains of our importance and accomplishments. Yet oh how those
mountains crumble and fall at just a shrug from nature. Just how mighty are
we.... I missed the point many times
before. Not this time, this time I listened. Colors so beautiful that I know my
eyes only saw the palest of them. It was a feeling so deep that my very inner
core was pulled down and out all at the same time. It was heart wrenching and
glorious all a once. Who was I by comparison; in a word, nothing. I know that
is why I believe. That power/energy/force/life connected me in just a brief
glimpse. A glimpse that calmed me, centered me and offered to heal me if I
would just be willing to heal myself. Question is am I able or willing to do
so? Thus lay the fault. Not in what was around me, but within myself. Isn't that one heck of a thing, finding out
that my own doubts are the crack. The very impasse to my salvation of soul,
calmness of being and centering of life was my own mind. It rocked my very
mental bedrock. It still does. One must be willing to live within ones self accepting
that self without reservation to be open to what is offered from without. It is
for me faith of that offering that gives me the courage to make the leap of
self acceptance. Who knew the seemingly short jump could take so long. I jump
and re-jump every day. At times I get closer and other times seem to fall back
but I keep jumping. I have faith that on the day I clear that chasm within the
offering will be there to catch me. I must just keep trying. When I pondered this writing I came to
realize that this is my meaning of life. Why do I keep making the simple so
complicated? I do not know, perhaps because I am human.
2008-25-02 Divorce Depression
At what point is it time to cry or even die? I do not know. Heaviness so suffocating that I cannot
stand. Only hunch and sway under the weight. Now I cry.
At what point is the effort enough?
At what point is it okay to just be crushed, smothered and surrender to
the load? At what point can I die? I do not know. When does society say that is enough? What is acceptable? I do not know. What is the message I send to my child? Can a parent humbled and bent be a good
example? I do not know. The thought of this being how I am remembered
is unbearable. Now I cry. I cry in
shame. I cry in frustration. I cry in pain. I cry in supplication. At times I just cry. Am I weak?
Do I just not have the courage to continue? How much strength is enough? What is the measure? How much can a person bare? I do not know. I just cry in frustration at the questions I
have no answers to. I am afraid of the
message I send to my daughter. The rest
of the world I really do not care about.
In the singular of my family not the plural I could live at the basest
level. I won’t let my daughter live that
way, I cannot. But how much is
enough? I do not know. I only know I will cry in pain as I try. For perhaps trying is the key to the
answer. I will cry in frustration and
anger that there is no answer. I will
cry at the world that is that creates this measure. My muscles ache. My mind is numb. My heart is broken. The string of love that is my daughter is
what holds me together. Small and fine
yet strong beyond measure is that string.
The explosion it prevents is greater than any bomb of man. It is as if the fabric of the world is being
contained. It is that power I also
fear. For without restraint, what would
that power do? I do not know. I tremble to think what it could do with no
care. With no concern for the outcome a
power can do anything. It will take any
risk. It has nothing to loose. How much is enough? I do not know. For now the tears of love that bind me also
hold me in check. The explosion not
released. The power contained. All by a single thread that is my
daughter. For her I cry. What measure will the World ask of her? I fear the answer. Now I cry.again.
2015-06-13 When the Demons Come
When the
Demons come and your Will is undone; look to me; Look to me
Fight the
Dark and find your heart; look to me; look to me
With Foe’s
around pulling you down, Look to me; look to me
Find your
grit in the heart of it; look to me; look to me
Within you
will find your wherewithal; look to me; look to me
Together
there is nothing we can’t dissolve; look to me; look to me
Climb the
wall; your demon wall, look to me; look to me
While your
sight is masked at the Ball; look to me; look to me
A masquerade
is just a dance that’s all; look to me; look to me
Doff your
cloak and let the mask fall close; look to me; look to me
See my eyes
now your Life’s exposed; look to me; look to me
Find your
strength in mine, look close; look to me; look to me
Let my
shield protect your mind and soul against the foul fold; look to me, look to me
Now your
Demons are bare against my light’s glare; look to me; look to me
You are
strong untold against enemies bold; look to me; look to me
Your Demons
will run; Evil is undone! Look to me;
look to me
Now together
we are one, invincible, honorable, and loved in eyes locked close, look to me;
look to me.
Now looking
at me and I looking at you, we will forever be; because you looked at me.